I dedicate this to my late Sister.
Author
I personally lost a sister late last year to this epidermic, though my family will not not approve of me saying to the world what actually killed her but I think it is best to come out clean. AIDS does not select but rather picks all that have ignorance and 'eat the sweets without the wrapper'. I know I've been a victim several times but I pray that people start to take this thing seriously..... here are some stories a got from http://www.avert.org on people living with AIDS
1. Girlfriend view
My boyfriend has been having fever for almost a week. At first, the doctors suspected that it could be dengue virus. But there were no rashes.
They suggested doing a HIV test and today it came out positive. I know that my boyfriend regretted what he had done in the past and he now worries about the future.
But I will not leave him to face what lies ahead alone.
We will do it together
2. Daughter
This story is actually about my dad who was diagnosed w aid in 1995. He was only 34 when he found out he was positive w Aids and kept it to himself for about 5yrs. When we did find out It was sadest day ever i love my dad very much and only wanted to see him happy in wht ever he did, unfortunitly the actions he took w his life werent very smart..He started using drugs at a very young age, it started w smking weed and progressed to stronger drugs eventually he started using heroin. the cycle of useing heroin lasted most of my childhood, he was in and out of every prison for as long as i can remember.The drugs really just took over all of him and left me and my bro n sister w/o a dad.. He was soo deeply lost w this drug tht he started sharing needles and having unprotected sex w random females who would either supply the drug or give him $ to buy the drug for both of there pleasures.. It was bad enough to have one parent w aids then to find out a few years dwn the line tht he had given it to my mom she was HIV pos.
SAD :( my dad died in 2003 and my mom followed in 2004.. VERY SAD :( :(
so for everyone out there: Plz protect urself ALWAYS.. ur not the only ones who will suffer from ur mistakes..
3. Sister
My name is A i live in Kenya. I dont have the virus but my older sister has it she is only 28years and dont have a family. I dont know what to do or say to her to make her feel better, the man who gave her the virus is long gone to a different country. She is all alone in a city and far from me and family. Am soooo worried since i am not there to support her.
I now know she is devasted and stressed out since she complains of headaches and rashes which ooozess blood, she complains a lot and that worries me so very much. I usually comfort her over the pone but i feel its not enough. I dont know which stage she is since she is yet to find out.
I have a family who i havent shared with the news since i dont know how they will take it. am sooo stressed out and my work progress is very down especially when i remember my sister.
Please people who live with the disease take heart, God doesnt forsake anyone during there times in need. My only wish is that my sister to be strong since its not the end of the world.
I love her to much and will keep on praying for her each and every day.
4. Husband
Hi, I am 35 and married for 4 years now. I found out that my wife is HIV positive when she was pregnant with our first child.
At first I thought the world was falling on us; never did it EVER cross my mind on switching the blame but i was worried about her and the child. I went to several HIV tests ever since and mine always come negative.
I’m just thankful that our child is now 3 years old and negative. I love my wife and I will never desert her because of her status.
We have a great sex life and although she is a person that hides her feeling; I tried my level best to support her and now she registered for a degree and we going on with our lives.
It’s kinda difficult to live with someone who is HIV positive because you never know whats going on their minds sometimes. The best thing I do is to shower her with love and assure her that everything is gonna be alright.
5. Mother
I am the mother of a homosexual son that has been diagnosed with HIV positive. I prayed for years for God to heal my son. He met a woman and married her. He's still gay and practicing while he is married. He doesn't care who he is with. He is so bitter at God for allowing this to happen to him. I have become bitter too. Not only is he still gay and married and his marriage is falling apart but he's HIV positive now. I don't understand God any more. I'm hurting so bad I don't want to live. I wake up everyday with this cloud of misery hanging over me. I think of just ended my life. It seems the only way to stop feeling this awful hurt and pain. I thought God loved me. How can he love me and allow this misery and hurt to continue for years and years. I have begun to think there isn't a God. All I hear is God's love for me. What kind of love is this? I think of all the things I could do to end this since God won't. This mess is forever! I've been going through this for 20 years now. Just want it to end one way or the other. If I have to end my own life.
what else do you want to hear before you change your way of living??? You cannot get to someone for doing wrong to you by doing wrong to yourself.....TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.
Thursday 1 December 2011
Tuesday 22 November 2011
Questions
Q.) What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A.) Blow job: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.
Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"
Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean. Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers? A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
A.) Blow job: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.
Q.) What's the speed limit of sex?
A.) 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q.) What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?
A.) You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q.) Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A.) "Is it in?"
Q.) What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A.) A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q.) How can you tell when an auto mechanic just had sex?
A.) One of his fingers is clean. Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers? A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
Bright boy and the 'Lover'
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her
husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year
old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came
home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the
closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the
mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm
going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the
little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again"
husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year
old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came
home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the
closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the
mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm
going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the
little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again"
Friday 18 November 2011
crazy world - Grandma grandma grandma!!!!
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her
grandma to know. One day, the police raided a
whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel,
and Lulu was among them. The police took them
outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway
when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her
granddaughter.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her
grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free
oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from
all of the prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered ! and exclaimed
"Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it? "
"I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them
dry."..
The policeman fainted.
grandma to know. One day, the police raided a
whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel,
and Lulu was among them. The police took them
outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway
when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her
granddaughter.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her
grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free
oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from
all of the prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered ! and exclaimed
"Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it? "
"I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them
dry."..
The policeman fainted.
Tuesday 15 November 2011
HEAT PUMP
Nature created mankind, but with the advancement of technology, man is now trying to recreate nature. This may have its own advantages and disadvantages, but nowhere is this struggle more evident than in the field of environmental control for our inhabited interior spaces. The human body is dependent on external factors like the surrounding temperature: extremes of heat or cold cannot be easily accepted. In order to control the environmental temperature, men have tried and applied many inventions, and the heat pump is quite significant among them. In fact, the heat pump could be considered the heart of almost all HVAC applications.
Heat Pumps
In General A heat pump is basically a device that carries the thermal energy from a source away to a sink. It is devised in such a way that it can work in both directions, i.e. it can make a hot region cool and make a cool region hot. The application of the heat pump is dependent on the area in which it is used. The heat pump does not displace the thermal energy all by itself. This is carried out by a medium (mostly refrigerants) which is handled by the heat pump. Heat pumps usually find their application as whole-house heating and air conditioning systems. When switching from heating to cooling (and vice versa), the heat pump keeps its standard configuration. Only some of the internal components are switched to provide the varying results. The point to remember is that the heat pump is basically nothing but a heat exchanger, capable of exchanging thermal energy.
Every pump tends to have an efficiency, which is normally defined as the ratio between the work done by the pump compared to the energy supplied to the pump. The efficiency of the heat pump is termed the co-efficient of performance.
Components of a Heat Pump
The four main components of a heat pump are the compressor, condenser, expansion valve, and evaporator. Each component has its own importance and their strategic placement can used to build various applications like refrigerators, etc. (One interesting application of heat pump technology are the new hybrid heat pump/heating element water heaters entering the market.
Compressors act on the carrying medium (refrigerants) in order to change its pressure level, i.e. from low pressure to high pressure. The change in pressure helps in the absorption or the release of the thermal energy from the refrigerant. The condenser re-condenses the refrigerant or the medium enabling it to release or absorb the thermal energy and return to a liquid state.
The expansion valve is the pressure reducing device. When high- pressure, medium-temperature refrigerant goes through the expansion valve, its pressure quickly reduces and the temperature drops. The refrigerant is then in a mixed liquid and gaseous state.
The evaporator is normally the sink where the thermal energy collected from the source, i.e. the condenser (in the case of a heat pump), is dumped.
Applications for Heat Pumps
There are many systems in which the heat pump tends to work as the heart of many different types of HVAC systems. For example, geothermal heating is one area. Geothermal heating utilizes the heat stored within the earth for heating the home in colder places. This is in a way a very effective and efficient way of conserving energy.
Apart from using heat pumps based on such natural resources as the heat in the air and the ground, there are other means of using heat pumps to do required work. One such application is the reversal of an air conditioning system to work as a heat pump for heating a home. The system thus reversed would be an interesting experiment that should surely work and provide a real know-how on how things work inside a heat pump system.
Thursday 10 November 2011
Total Jerk Off
A judge ordered a California man — convicted for ejaculating into a co-worker’s water bottles — to pay more than $27,000 to his victim.
Superior Court Judge Walter Schwarm said Monday Michael Kevin Lallana, of Fullerton, Calif., must pay restitution for therapy and loss of wages, reports the Orange County Register.
Lallana was sentenced to 180 days behind bars after he was convicted of twice putting semen in his co-worker’s water bottle without her knowledge at a Newport Beach, Calif., financial company last year.
The victim sent the water bottle in for testing because it tasted strange, and the water was found to contain semen.
The jury found Lallana, 32, committed the acts for sexual gratification.
He should be committed to a freak’in hospital!
Egerton University Graduation 2011
1. Date
Egerton University wishes to inform ALL candidates who qualified for the conferment of variuos degrees and award of diplomas of Egerton University during the 2010/2011 academic year that the Graduation Ceremony will take place on Friday 25th November , 2011 starting at 9.00 Am at Njoro campus. ALL GRADUANDS AND GUESTS SHOULD BE SEATED BY 8.30 A.M
2. REHEARSAL
All graduands who wish to participate in the ceremony and have paid all fees must attend the rehersal on Thursday, 24th November 2011 at 2.30 P.M. All graduands attending the rehearsal should be seated by 2.00 P.M. Each graduand will be provided with three invitation cards. The cards will be issued by the Deans of respective Faculties on 23rd November 2011.
3. GRADUATION AND ALUMNI ASSOCIATION FEES
Graduands will be required to pay the following fees of which Kes. 200/= will be Alumni fees. These fees must be paid at any branch of the Kenya Commercial Bank into Egerton University Account No. 1108550703 and an official receipt obtained at the Njoro cash office before Thursday 24th November 2011
PhD Kes. 4,000/=
Masters Kes. 3,500/=
Postgraduate Diploma Kes. 3000/=
Bachelors Kes. 3000/=
Diploma Kes. 3000/=
4. ACADEMIC DEGREES
During the ceremony, all graduands will be required to be in full academic attire for the occassion . Graduands are required to complete relevant forms before 24th November 2011. The forms will be available at the respective deans offices at the Njoro campus with effect form Monday 21st November 2011. All hired gowns must be returned by Thursday 8th December 2011 after which a daily penalty of Kes. 300/= will be charged.
Laikipia University college, Kisii University college and Chuka University college graduands will collect forms as well as pay the fees and collect gowns from Njoro campus during the said dates.
Any enquiries may be addressed to the undersigned through email: raca@egerton.ac.ke or Tel: +254-51-2217932
Egerton University wishes to inform ALL candidates who qualified for the conferment of variuos degrees and award of diplomas of Egerton University during the 2010/2011 academic year that the Graduation Ceremony will take place on Friday 25th November , 2011 starting at 9.00 Am at Njoro campus. ALL GRADUANDS AND GUESTS SHOULD BE SEATED BY 8.30 A.M
2. REHEARSAL
All graduands who wish to participate in the ceremony and have paid all fees must attend the rehersal on Thursday, 24th November 2011 at 2.30 P.M. All graduands attending the rehearsal should be seated by 2.00 P.M. Each graduand will be provided with three invitation cards. The cards will be issued by the Deans of respective Faculties on 23rd November 2011.
3. GRADUATION AND ALUMNI ASSOCIATION FEES
Graduands will be required to pay the following fees of which Kes. 200/= will be Alumni fees. These fees must be paid at any branch of the Kenya Commercial Bank into Egerton University Account No. 1108550703 and an official receipt obtained at the Njoro cash office before Thursday 24th November 2011
PhD Kes. 4,000/=
Masters Kes. 3,500/=
Postgraduate Diploma Kes. 3000/=
Bachelors Kes. 3000/=
Diploma Kes. 3000/=
4. ACADEMIC DEGREES
During the ceremony, all graduands will be required to be in full academic attire for the occassion . Graduands are required to complete relevant forms before 24th November 2011. The forms will be available at the respective deans offices at the Njoro campus with effect form Monday 21st November 2011. All hired gowns must be returned by Thursday 8th December 2011 after which a daily penalty of Kes. 300/= will be charged.
Laikipia University college, Kisii University college and Chuka University college graduands will collect forms as well as pay the fees and collect gowns from Njoro campus during the said dates.
Any enquiries may be addressed to the undersigned through email: raca@egerton.ac.ke or Tel: +254-51-2217932
Saturday 29 October 2011
New Words
Thursday 27 October 2011
New Catholic Priest
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass ...
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."So the next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy,
Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take
this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the
Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub,
thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally...
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at
St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Wednesday 26 October 2011
More Beer less weak brain cells
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
Monday 24 October 2011
Here is how not to Katia a chick
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children! For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
Tuesday 27 September 2011
JOKES
Clever Engineer
A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?"
The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.
The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The engineer calmly pulls out his wallet, hands the mathematician five bucks, and goes back to sleep.
Software Engineer
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want". Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked: "What is the matter ? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me ?"
The man said, "Look I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
Engineer as a Designer of the Human Body
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''
Wife or Mistress
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
A Train Ticket
An accountant and engineering convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were both accounting and engineering majors. Each of the engineering majors had his/her own train ticket. But the accountants had only ONE ticket for all of them. The engineers started laughing and snickering. The accountants ignored the laughter.
Then, one of the accountants said, "Here comes the conductor". All of the accountants piled into the bathroom. The engineers were puzzled. The conductor came aboard and collected tickets from all the engineers. He went to the bathroom, knocked on the door, and said "Ticket please". An accountant stuck their only ticket under the door. The conductor took the ticket and left. A few minutes later, the accountants emerged from the bathroom. The engineers felt really stupid.
On the way back from the convention, the group of engineering majors had ONE ticket for their group. They started snickering at the accountants, who had NO tickets amongst them. When the accountant lookout shouted "Conductor coming!", all the accountants again piled into a bathroom. All of the engineers went into another bathroom. Then, before the conductor came on board, one of the accountants left the bathroom, knocked on the other bathroom, and said "Ticket please".
Proud of a Father
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled.
"It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions."
"To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."
Surgeons Know Best about Engineers
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.
The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The Third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable." Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."
God and the Devil discuss an Engineer
Although locked in fierce competition for what seems like forever, God and the Devil meet once every week for coffee just to catch up with each other. One week they're in heaven and the next they're in hell. When it was God's turn to host last week, the Devil was whistling a happy tune as he walked through the gates and wore a huge smile as he plopped down in the golden chair. As he poured a cup, God said, "You look pretty pleased with yourself." "Yeah," said the Devil, "Things are really looking up since I got that engineer last week. He's put in escalators and flush toilets, and he even found a way to control the heat in those old furnaces. I've been meaning to thank you for turning him away up here." God looked stunned, and almost spilled coffee into the saucer. "You know that you're not supposed to get any engineers," God said. "Peter was breaking in some new help at the gates last week, and they must have made a mistake. Just send him back up and we'll straighten it out." But the Devil just chuckled and said, "No. I think I'll keep him. He was talking about looking into better ventilation this week. I can see why you keep them all for yourself." "Send him back," demanded God "No," smirked the Devil. God thundered, "Send him back, or..." "Or what?" the Devil asked. "Or I'll sue," finished God. The Devil chuckled again. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?"
Four Engineers and a Broken Car
There are four engineers travelling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. "Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer. "Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system." "I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead." They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: "Well, what do you think?" "Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"
A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?"
The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.
The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The engineer calmly pulls out his wallet, hands the mathematician five bucks, and goes back to sleep.
Software Engineer
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want". Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked: "What is the matter ? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me ?"
The man said, "Look I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
Engineer as a Designer of the Human Body
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''
Wife or Mistress
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
A Train Ticket
An accountant and engineering convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were both accounting and engineering majors. Each of the engineering majors had his/her own train ticket. But the accountants had only ONE ticket for all of them. The engineers started laughing and snickering. The accountants ignored the laughter.
Then, one of the accountants said, "Here comes the conductor". All of the accountants piled into the bathroom. The engineers were puzzled. The conductor came aboard and collected tickets from all the engineers. He went to the bathroom, knocked on the door, and said "Ticket please". An accountant stuck their only ticket under the door. The conductor took the ticket and left. A few minutes later, the accountants emerged from the bathroom. The engineers felt really stupid.
On the way back from the convention, the group of engineering majors had ONE ticket for their group. They started snickering at the accountants, who had NO tickets amongst them. When the accountant lookout shouted "Conductor coming!", all the accountants again piled into a bathroom. All of the engineers went into another bathroom. Then, before the conductor came on board, one of the accountants left the bathroom, knocked on the other bathroom, and said "Ticket please".
Proud of a Father
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled.
"It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions."
"To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."
Surgeons Know Best about Engineers
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.
The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The Third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable." Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."
God and the Devil discuss an Engineer
Although locked in fierce competition for what seems like forever, God and the Devil meet once every week for coffee just to catch up with each other. One week they're in heaven and the next they're in hell. When it was God's turn to host last week, the Devil was whistling a happy tune as he walked through the gates and wore a huge smile as he plopped down in the golden chair. As he poured a cup, God said, "You look pretty pleased with yourself." "Yeah," said the Devil, "Things are really looking up since I got that engineer last week. He's put in escalators and flush toilets, and he even found a way to control the heat in those old furnaces. I've been meaning to thank you for turning him away up here." God looked stunned, and almost spilled coffee into the saucer. "You know that you're not supposed to get any engineers," God said. "Peter was breaking in some new help at the gates last week, and they must have made a mistake. Just send him back up and we'll straighten it out." But the Devil just chuckled and said, "No. I think I'll keep him. He was talking about looking into better ventilation this week. I can see why you keep them all for yourself." "Send him back," demanded God "No," smirked the Devil. God thundered, "Send him back, or..." "Or what?" the Devil asked. "Or I'll sue," finished God. The Devil chuckled again. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?"
Four Engineers and a Broken Car
There are four engineers travelling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. "Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer. "Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system." "I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead." They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: "Well, what do you think?" "Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"
Friday 23 September 2011
ENGINEERING ETHICS IN PRACTICE
1. Accuracy and rigour
· Ensuring others are not misled: Professional engineers should “not knowingly mislead or allow others to be misled about engineering matters”
· Acting with care and competence: Professional engineers should “always act with care and competence”
· Staying within your limits: Professional engineers should “perform services only in areas of current competence”
· Keeping up to date: Professional engineers should “keep their knowledge and skills up to date and assist the development of engineering knowledge and skills in others”
· Being objective: Professional engineers should “present and review engineering evidence, theory and interpretation honestly, accurately and without bias”
· Evaluating risks: Professional engineers should “identify and evaluate and, where possible, quantify risks”
2. Honesty and integrity
· Preventing corruption: Professional engineers should “avoid deceptive acts, take steps to prevent corrupt practices or professional misconduct, and declare conflicts of interest”
· Affecting others: Professional engineers should “be alert to the ways in which their work might affect others and duly respect the rights and reputations of other parties”
· Rejecting bribery: Professional engineers should: “reject bribery and improper influence”
· Gaining trust: Professional engineers should “act for each employer or client in a reliable and trustworthy manner”
3. Respect for life, law and public good
· Health and safety: Professional engineers should “hold paramount the health and safety of others”
· Justifying the work: “Ensure that all work is lawful and justified”
· Respecting limited resources: Professional engineers should “take due account of the limited availability of natural and human resources”
· The reputation of engineering: “Act honourably, responsibly and lawfully and uphold the reputation, standing and dignity of the profession”
4. Responsible leadership: listening and informing
· Promoting public awareness: Professional engineers should “actively promote public awareness and understanding of the impact and benefits of engineering achievements.”
· Listening to society: Professional engineers should “be aware of the issues that engineering and technology raise for society, and listen to the aspirations and concerns of others.”
· Truth and objectivity: “Be objective and truthful in any statement made in their professional capacity”
Scientists: Particles appear to travel faster than light
These things called discoveries should be well researched before feeding the society....
(CNN) -- Scientists in Switzerland say an experiment appears to show that tiny particles traveled faster than the speed of light -- a result that would seem to defy the laws of nature.
The physicists say that neutrinos sent 730 kilometers (453.6 miles) underground between laboratories in Switzerland and Italy arrived a fraction of a second sooner than they should have, according to the speed of light.
The report was published Friday by a group of researchers working on the so-called Opera experiment, based at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) in Switzerland.
"This result comes as a complete surprise," report author Antonio Ereditato at the University of Bern, in Switzerland, said in a statement.
"After many months of studies and cross checks, we have not found any instrumental effect that could explain the result of the measurement."
The scientists on the Opera project would continue their research, he said, but "are also looking forward to independent measurements to fully assess the nature of this observation."
The finding would seem to challenge Albert Einstein's special theory of relativity, and the long-established law of physics that nothing can exceed the speed of light.
"It is very, very remarkable if it's true," said Professor Neville Harnew, head of particle physics at Oxford University.
"If this proves to be correct, then it will revolutionize physics as we know it."
He will be among scientists from around the world tuning into a webcast seminar held by CERN Friday afternoon, to discuss what Harnew describes as an "ultra-exciting" development that has come "totally out of the blue."
The Opera team's result is based on the observation of more than 15,000 bunches of neutrinos sent between CERN and the Gran Sasso Laboratory in Italy. A neutrino is an electrically neutral subatomic particle, an elemental building block of the universe.
The physicists say the measurements of the distance and the time involved were performed with great precision, to nanosecond accuracy.
And the results seemed to show the neutrinos travel "at a velocity 20 parts per million above the speed of light, nature's cosmic speed limit."
Sergio Bertolucci, research director at CERN, said the Opera team followed good scientific practice by throwing open their findings to other scientists.
"When an experiment finds an apparently unbelievable result and can find no artifact of the measurement to account for it, it's normal procedure to invite broader scrutiny," he said.
"If this measurement is confirmed, it might change our view of physics, but we need to be sure that there are no other, more mundane, explanations. That will require independent measurements."
Ereditato said more research is needed.
"The potential impact on science is too large to draw immediate conclusions or attempt physics interpretations," he said. "My first reaction is that the neutrino is still surprising us with its mysteries."
Harnew said the new finding "cannot currently fit in the standard theories at all" and would have to be confirmed by another experiment -- to ensure there is no subtle systemic error at play -- before a discovery can be claimed.
And he cautions that "neutrino measurements are extremely difficult experiments," making it hard to verify results independently.
Neutrinos, which are emitted during the process of radioactive decay, have only a tiny mass and usually pass through matter without interacting with anything else, making them very hard to detect.
CERN is one of only a handful of laboratories capable of running an experiment like the Opera project, Harnew said. Other possible sites could be J-Parc in Japan, home of the multinational T2K project, and Fermilab in Illinois.
It was only recently discovered that neutrinos, which come in three types, can switch from one type to another. If they can indeed travel faster than mass-less particles, like light, then these mysterious particles will have done even more to turn the world of physics on its head.
(CNN) -- Scientists in Switzerland say an experiment appears to show that tiny particles traveled faster than the speed of light -- a result that would seem to defy the laws of nature.
The physicists say that neutrinos sent 730 kilometers (453.6 miles) underground between laboratories in Switzerland and Italy arrived a fraction of a second sooner than they should have, according to the speed of light.
The report was published Friday by a group of researchers working on the so-called Opera experiment, based at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) in Switzerland.
"This result comes as a complete surprise," report author Antonio Ereditato at the University of Bern, in Switzerland, said in a statement.
"After many months of studies and cross checks, we have not found any instrumental effect that could explain the result of the measurement."
The scientists on the Opera project would continue their research, he said, but "are also looking forward to independent measurements to fully assess the nature of this observation."
The finding would seem to challenge Albert Einstein's special theory of relativity, and the long-established law of physics that nothing can exceed the speed of light.
"It is very, very remarkable if it's true," said Professor Neville Harnew, head of particle physics at Oxford University.
"If this proves to be correct, then it will revolutionize physics as we know it."
He will be among scientists from around the world tuning into a webcast seminar held by CERN Friday afternoon, to discuss what Harnew describes as an "ultra-exciting" development that has come "totally out of the blue."
The Opera team's result is based on the observation of more than 15,000 bunches of neutrinos sent between CERN and the Gran Sasso Laboratory in Italy. A neutrino is an electrically neutral subatomic particle, an elemental building block of the universe.
The physicists say the measurements of the distance and the time involved were performed with great precision, to nanosecond accuracy.
And the results seemed to show the neutrinos travel "at a velocity 20 parts per million above the speed of light, nature's cosmic speed limit."
Sergio Bertolucci, research director at CERN, said the Opera team followed good scientific practice by throwing open their findings to other scientists.
"When an experiment finds an apparently unbelievable result and can find no artifact of the measurement to account for it, it's normal procedure to invite broader scrutiny," he said.
"If this measurement is confirmed, it might change our view of physics, but we need to be sure that there are no other, more mundane, explanations. That will require independent measurements."
Ereditato said more research is needed.
"The potential impact on science is too large to draw immediate conclusions or attempt physics interpretations," he said. "My first reaction is that the neutrino is still surprising us with its mysteries."
Harnew said the new finding "cannot currently fit in the standard theories at all" and would have to be confirmed by another experiment -- to ensure there is no subtle systemic error at play -- before a discovery can be claimed.
And he cautions that "neutrino measurements are extremely difficult experiments," making it hard to verify results independently.
Neutrinos, which are emitted during the process of radioactive decay, have only a tiny mass and usually pass through matter without interacting with anything else, making them very hard to detect.
CERN is one of only a handful of laboratories capable of running an experiment like the Opera project, Harnew said. Other possible sites could be J-Parc in Japan, home of the multinational T2K project, and Fermilab in Illinois.
It was only recently discovered that neutrinos, which come in three types, can switch from one type to another. If they can indeed travel faster than mass-less particles, like light, then these mysterious particles will have done even more to turn the world of physics on its head.
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